Change the Lines Wizards of Waverly Version
by Trissacar
Summary: Teehee! Innuendo ahoy!
1. Chapter 1

Change the Lines Wizards Of Waverly Version

Season 3 Episode 4 Three Monsters

Alex: Why would someone as cool as you be dating my brother?

Juliet: To make you jealous.

Alex: Grrrr arf! Arf! Arf! Arf!

Li: No barking at the guest stars!

* * *

Alex: Justin were not talking about you!

Justin: Awww man...

* * *

Max: Liar liar pants on fire!

*Spell dummy explodes*

Conscious: Well you fucked that up...

* * *

Justin: I've got to call this _in_...

Li: Do you even listen to yourself?!

* * *

Harper: -Strip it down sisters!

Alex: Hey! Hey! Hey! If you want me to strip I'm going need a martini and at least 50 dollars cash!

Justin: You got any money on you?

Harper: What?

Justin: Nothing...

* * *

Max: Yeah you're probably right but I'm going to do it anyway.

Li: Woohoo!

* * *

Justin:Ok.

Alex: Ok!

Justin: Fine!

Alex:Fine!

Chad: I feel like I've heard this somewhere else before....

**Author's Incoherent ramblings: If you look on deviant art dot com and you look up li trissacar you'll see what she should look like.  
**

**And Li is kind a oc that narrates.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Incoherent ramblings: I know you guys are reading this.... *_* So reveiw if you like it! 98 hits and visitors! Don't ask about the Sharingan reference its from Naruto if you are curious look it up. AND PLEASE NO BASHING!**

Theresea:You're like the son I don't regret having!

Li: Damn you're moms mean!

Wizards Of Waverly Place - Season 3 Episode 5 Night at the Lazerama

Alex: I'm on a long trip to education.

Jerry: Bring a sweater.

* * *

Justin: -And they like cookie dough ice cream.

Mummy: That shit is good!

* * *

Justin: Whatever you do don't look into his eyes. And no its not Sharingan Li...

Li:Awww maaaan!

* * *

Jerry: Would you forget about the couch pillows! Hes eating my mustard!

Cartman: No Maxi! No Maxi thats my mustard. No Maxi thats a bad Maxi!

* * *

Jerry: Alex say scrubby dubby into the tubby.

Max: Hey isn't that what you and Justin were doing that one ti-Ow! Ow! Ow!

Cartman: She kicked you in da nuts!

* * *

Justin: I love her.

Alex: No you don't.

Justin: No I don't but it feels like something I should say.

Alex: Pity sex?

Justin: Pity sex.

* * *

Wizards of Waverly Place Season 3 Episode 6 Dollhouse

Alex: Hey I'm letting you sleep in my art studio how is that selfish?

Li: Shes got a point there chuckles.

Harper: I don't think I like that nickname.

Li: Do you prefer pillsbury dough girl?

*Alex pokes her in the stomach*

Harper: Whoo whoo!

* * *

Theresa: Harper we already gave it to her!

Harper: Bitch get in the kitchen and make me a sandwich!

Theresa: WHAT?!

Harper: Nothing!

* * *

Harper: Heeey olive! Wow what an ironic name for a African American.

Li: Well disney was kinda racist.

* * *

Alex: Wow he actually thinks I can fix this on my own? Thats kinda sexy!

Harper: What I can't her you in your little doll voice!

* * *

*Justin hugs alex _'real' _tight*  
Justin: Mmmmmmmmmmmmm....

Alex: Oh Justin you're hurting me.

Justin: Mmmmmyeah...

Alex: Justin I think the hugs done now....

Justin: No I'm not done yet...


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Incoherent ramblings: I know its long overdue! Been updating my OroAnko stories.**

Season 3, Episode 7: Marathoner Helper

Jerry: Honey look how healthy Harpers eating? How is she still chubby?!

* * *

Woman Customer: You must be very proud of your daughter.

Teresa/Jerry: _Her?_ Oh God no.

* * *

Alex: -Its been like four hours!

Harper: What are you five?!

* * *

Alex: Look I'm half asleep so my lies aren't really good right now.

Harper: Really? What did you really do with Justin when you had that "tickle fight"?

Alex: Absolutely nothing sexual.

Harper: I'm calling a social worker...

* * *

*Alex hands Harper a power bar. Li comes up and grabs it.*

Li: NO CHUCKLES THIS IS MY POWER BAR!

Harper: She scares me...

* * *

Jerry: Uh a sixteen year old girl with three weeks of training is going to win a marathon. That seem weird to you?

Alex: A sixteen year old girl with more hugs with her brother then with her boyfriend. That seem weird to you?

* * *

Harper: You used magic on me so I'd win?!

Alex: Stop your bitchin' and be thankful.

* * *

Harper:-the spelling bee!

Li:Thats right your life isn't worth anything. Especially to the writers.

* * *

*Harper hits the mat.*

Li:Damnit Harper if you lose to this orange belt I'll kill you!

* * *

Harper: I learned something really important. Its better to lose and know you lost on your own then to cheat and win.

Alex: Are you CRAZY!?


	4. Chapter 4

Season 3 Episode 10 Positive Alex

Justin: I have big news everybody!

Alex: NO Justin I don't want everybody to know just yet!

Harper(to Justin): Know what?

Justin: What pregnancy? Theres no pregnancy and its definitely not mine!

Harper: What? Who said anything about a pregnancy?

Justin: Theres no pregnancy!

Alex: Smooth move there killer.

* * *

Alex: You want that thing to pop stay where the money is.

Li: Well if that isn't innuendo I don't know what is...

* * *

Alex: Give me an R!

Harper/Zeke: R!

Li: Thats not an R thats more like a deformed teletubby.

* * *

Justin: Thats it were hiring someone else to play her Alex in the video.

Li: I don't know can you "perform" without Alex to get it up....The video camera I mean.... in the bleachers. And by bleachers I mean your pants.

* * *

Alex: LETS GO EAT TURKEYS!

Li: Now I'm hungry!

Alex: You don't go to this school! You don't even GO to school!

Li: Here turkey turkey!

* * *

Alex: He is like an elf to my flame.

Jerry: Thats it no more world of warcraft for you!

* * *

Zeke: Hey when in doubt whip it out!

Li: I'm not quite sure thats how the saying goes-OHMYGOD!

* * *

Justin: STRIPPER PANTS ACTIVATE!

* * *

Alex: We're goin be together forever......And _ever._

* * *

Max: Alright lets check it out.(the tape)

And Justin and Max find out the REAL reason their dad is called the italian buckeroo.


	5. Chapter 5

aUTHOR'S INCOHERENT RAMBLINGS: As you know I have not been updating Change the lines. As I have been catching up on my laziness. And after this there is still much laziness left undone so I will probably go back to it.

The Good, The Bad, & The Alex

*Max drying a piece of meat with a hairdryer*

Li: Hey max thats a big hunk of meat you got there...

Max:I know ohh you mean the one on my fork...

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Max: Did you get me anything a lady possibly bearded?

Li: Max if they had brought you one what would you have do with her?

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Triss: Lets just look at these line for a bit shall we?

Alex: Nice work you must've had some good times "messing" with your brother.

Girl who takes center for one eppy:Yeah before we stopped talking to each other...I used to "mess" with Warren all the time.

Alex: Well, you are free to "mess" with my brothers anytime you want. Cause thats what friends are for.

Li: With benefits!

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Harper: She really doesn't like blowing it up.

^_^''

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Alex: You know what we should do? We should help them get back together!

Harper: Thats a totally nice thing to do we should do it cause you never come up with those!

Li:I don't know about this...

Alex: Whaddya mean?

Li: Well isnt this storyline usually reserved for a girlfriend and her ex boyfriend?

Alex: Can't it be both?

*0_0*

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Justin: No wiznet's down Max downloaded too much porn...

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Alex: Hey are you Warren Nicolls?

Warren: Hey yeah thats me hello.

Alex: We're friends with your sister Stevie

Warren: *All excited* You guys know my sister Stevie? Well, where is she? Is she here with you huh? *goes tripping down the hallway looking.* STEVIE STEVIE!

Li: He might have a sister complex...

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Alex: I'll bet you he has a pen on him,well thats not a pen...

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Alex: Is it true you bailed on your brother in the middle of the competition?

Li: And while you are locked out is the time to bring that up. *Facepalm*

Girl: Did you just see any of that?

Harper: Yeah the whole bit about the holograms and revolutions and bad stuff? Yeah.

*Harper at this point ruining their chances of fooling the girl into unlocking the door*

Li:*Stare* I hope PedoBear molests you.

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Alex: I gotta admit it sounds interesting.

Li: Yes like incest sounds interesting but you don't actually do it!

Justin/Alex: You don't?

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Justin: I knew Alex was bad, but not this bad.

Alex: *Through peephole* *Innocently* But you know I'm a bad girl Justin...

Justin: You're a bad bad girl...

Li: Stop it you're making PedoBear excited.

PedoBear: *FAP FAP*

Alex: I'm a bad bad girl Justin...

Justin: Excuse me I need to go jackoff in the corner.

Harper: What does Justin having to jackoff have to do with Alex?

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Alex: I'm in.

*Her and the girl use their wands to block the door with giant lego blocks*

Li: Legos now with wizard blocking powers!

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Harper: You wanna kiss a little bit? *Flirty*=Disgusting

Li: Don't trust her shes got her raep (rape) face on. Isn't that right PedoBear?

PedoBear: Thats right. I know that face.

Justin: Can I close my eyes?

Spacer

*Max walks in with a magazine from the hallway*

Max: Hello, Laverne!

Li: Hey Max what were you doing with that magazine in the hallway?

Max: Your FACE!

Li: No thats not my picture in there.

ATTENTION: The FCC has removed the rest of this conversation.

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*Max knocks Stevie into a million pieces.*

Li: YOU KILLED HER!

Alex: Ohhh, thats a nice brother/sister moment.

Li: SHE'S DEAD!

Alex: We should go celebrate at the wizard county fair!

Li: SHE'S DEAD AND YOU'RE GONNA LEAVE HER HERE AND ACT LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD!

Epilogue

And then when told the wizard counsel about the revolution. The Wizard counsel proceeded to massacre the 5,000 wizards who attempted to overthrow the Wizard competition. Which would become known as the Massacre of the 5,000.

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And that girl is still dead. She was the first fatality.

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*Warren wakes up*

Warren: Oh my God I killed my sister! I can't live with myself anymore! *slits throat with pen*

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He was the second fatality.

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And as predicted Harper was molested by the PedoBear three days later. Much to Li's satisfaction.

Alternate scene

Alex: Hey are you Warren Nicolls?

Warren: Hey yeah thats me hello.

Alex: We're friends with your sister Stevie.

Warren: You mean my brother Stevie.

Justin: But she was hot!

Alex: You mean he was hot.


End file.
